I've wanted to host React Podcast since its original launch in 2015.
The show was a panel show back then.
There was one episode where I played host and I felt like the frontman of an 80s rock band jumping off a stack of speakers into screaming crowd.
"I could be the Joe Rogan of React", I thought.
The show quickly died.
And when Michael Jackson resurrected it in 2018 and I was green with envy.
"He's a natural fit."
"He has relationships, clout, and charisma."
"He's accomplished, funny, personable, and daring."
"I am none of those things."
This is what I told myself.
Of course, This was all true but that last part.
What I was telling myself stood in stark contrast to those delusions of grandeur I'd had just years before.
What separates Michael and I is not our network or charm.
The difference is that he showed up;
He did the work.
This was never clearer than when he asked me to take over the show and I said "no".
Why would I do that??
I loved the show.
I wanted the show.
I had a poster of my face on Joe Rogan's massive bust with "React Podcast" photoshopped in the backdrop.
The universe was handing to me something I wanted and I turned it down.
Because it's easier to live in a fantasy.
No one is there to challenge, correct, judge or expect something from me.
My ego loves the safety of the imaginary.
Fortunately, I got my senses about me —
And start doing the work.
(More on that in the weeks to come).
Where are you living in the imaginary?